Funny story. I always thought my Korean name held the same meaning as my English one- “God’s joy”. I was proud to say that I really felt that God was using me to bring joy to other people. This isn’t to say that I myself was especially joyous or special, but rather that God was working through me, even amidst all my faults, to bring joy to others. I kept thinking how amazing it was that a name (that was thought and prayed over) given to an undefined baby had come to live out its meaning.

But just last year, my mother told me that in fact my name meant “God’s truth”. I was honestly disappointed. I could rarely think of an occasion where I had truly lived out “truth”. What did that even mean? If anything, I could recount a million times I had bended the truth. For some reason that continued to bother me, why couldn’t I live out “truth”?

It’s wednesday of winter quarter finals week, I’m tired, exhausted, in so much pain and I’m beginning to understand more what my name really means. Today I read Numbers 13-15 and Mark 5 for my devotionals. Surprisingly both passages spoke to God’s truth. Numbers described when few of the Israelites explored the promise land. The land was everything that God had promised. Yet, they were scared and doubted God’s power and word that He would be with them. The Lord’s wrath burned against them. After all that He had shown them, how were they still of so little faith? In the end, the Israelites had to wait 40 years before they reached the promise land. But God was still faithful. He is powerful. 

A similar trend is seen in Mark. A high official comes to Jesus because his daughter is dying. However, along the way, the daughter dies and those around the official tells him to give up and not to bother Jesus any more. Jesus turns to the official, “Don’t be afraid. Just believe”. Later when they get to the house, people are mourning over the girl. Jesus claims the girl is merely asleep and not dead but the people just laugh. But Jesus walks up to the girl and commands her to get up. And just like that the girl gets up and walks around.

And now here I am. A paper and final looming over me. I am not extremely prepared for either. Throughout this entire quarter, my grades have taken a toll. Yet, after reading these passages, I find peace. How many times has God pulled through for me? If anyone were to have seen me in my elementary school day form, the last thing they would have predicted was that I would be sitting here at this university. All my teachers told that I was “average”, “potential”, needed “to try harder”. My sister was the gifted student, not me. But with the odds against me, God pulled through. 

I know that God has a plan for me. Whether that be a doctor or a school teacher, I have yet to figure out. But I know with all my heart that God is Almighty. God is with me and has been throughout my entire life. Even when the future looks bleak, I know that God is still there. Perhaps the obstacles that come my way are huge because then when God helps me overcome, the greater glory goes to God. So perhaps God uses me to bring joy and show His joy to others. But the truth about his great love fo us, about his power and might, about his faithfulness and wonder, He reminds me everyday and I am blessed to have such a name.